When I think of my two children, I cannot even begin to comprehend or explain the awe I have for what God has done for me! Why has God blessed me this way? Why has He given my wife and I the ability to raise these wonderful kids and watch them grow and mature? I know this is the way that all parents feel about their children; it is a sense of awe and pride.
Yet we know that having our children is not just a blessing, it is a great responsibility. The Lord explicitly commands me as a father to teach my children about the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). He explicitly commands me to train up my children in the way they should go (Proverbs 22:6). We know from reading the Bible, that being a parent is more than just fun and games, it is a God given responsibility…
But are we giving it away?
Now, it is not my intention to throw parents under the bus in this post, I believe that parents truly wants what’s best for their children. Similarly, it is not my intention to throw youth ministers under the bus either; they too want what’s best for the kids.
Many of my friends who I attended Bear Valley with are Youth Ministers, and I know many parents that send their kids to Youth Groups. All of these individuals have the children’s best interests in mind. There is no doubt in my mind that they love God and love the souls of these kids greatly.
However, these intentions do not negate facts of life. The fact of the matter is that children are leaving the church in hoards. Depending on the statistics that you look at, numbers as high as 85% of our children are leaving the church by the time they go to college!
Numbers this high or anywhere near this height should scare us greatly. “What are we doing wrong?” should be a question that is screaming in our ears! Despite the great intentions and the hard work that is going into these kids, something is failing.
If we think about all the effort put towards the children in the church today, many projects come to mind: mission trips, movie nights, game nights, devotionals, hiking trips, summer camps, rallies, service projects, and the list goes on and on. We put more money and time into our youth activities, than we do with most of our projects.
Psalm 127:1 says: “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it…”
Could it be possible that we are building, building, building, but not building in the way the Lord wants us to build? Could it be possible that when we are building our Youth Ministries, we are forgetting about our God given responsibility of parenting?
As stated above, the Lord has explicitly commanded us as parents to teach our children about the Lord (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Tie that to Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it,” and what do you get? Instructions for parents to raise and teach their children. Isn’t this what we are doing by putting our kids in a youth group? Unfortunately, I do not think so.
My observation has been that we in the church do everything but have the parents teach their children. With all of the activities listed above, we are pulling the family apart, rather than bringing them together. This is where our “building” is in the wrong, and this is where we are giving up our parental responsibility.
When we decide to give over the teaching and the edifying of our children to a youth minister, is this not giving up a responsibility? When we send them off to multiple functions a week, are we not giving up much needed family time? When your child wants to hang out with the youth minister and his family more than with you, is there not something wrong? When your child will ask advice from the youth minister but not from you, are we not allowing someone else to be the parent? We are losing kids by the bucket loads and parents are not parenting, I believe that there is a correlation.
In the very last verse of the Old Testament (Malachi 4:6), we see that in order to avoid a “curse” the hearts of the children must be restored to their fathers, and vise versa. We must ask ourselves if our efforts are restoring the family, or driving a wedge?
I mentioned above that I know MANY Youth Ministers. If you are one, please do not take this as an attack on you or even your job. I am not calling for the firing of Youth Ministers in the Brotherhood. What I am calling for is for the parents to get more involved. Get to know their kids more, teach more, and take their responsibilities seriously! I am calling for the Youth Ministers in our churches to strengthen the families. You can do this by promoting more family events rather than exclusively youth events, teach the parents how to parent, and never be a wedge between the two parties.
So the question is, are you giving up your responsibility? Are you one that is participating in helping parents giving up in this as well? I pray that each congregation reevaluates how they are training up their children, and makes the appropriate changes.
The souls of our children are at risk. So let us do what we can to save them. Let us not give away our responsibility!
Morality Check 
Excellent work, son! The need for sound, cognitive parenting never ends.
Many parents WANT to teach their children but are totally clueless what to do and how to do it. It is a lot easier to expect the church to do the work when you feel inadequate. When was the last time you saw a “how to” class for parents in the church? Not the lessons about, “You need to train your child” but a seminar or retreat that actually SHOWS a parent how to do it. Dads role-playing a devotional or a spiritual talk with a child who asks some tough questions.
Many moms try to do the teaching but they find themselves stealing the authority given to their husbands as the spiritual leaders of the home. Dads don’t step up and many of them just don’t know what to do and have no resources to train them. Time ticks away and you end up with teens who are not trained and the world sucks them away.
Susan,
What you said is true. The church as a whole does not teach parents HOW to train up their children. This is beyond the problem of the youth ministry, it goes to the leadership (Elders) of the congregation. We need more teaching from the leadership on how to teach and train children. And what we really need is the parents that feel “inadequate” to stop feeling that way and get into the Bible! I think too many times it is a problem of parents just not knowing what to do because they do not know what the Bible says. This problem would be eliminated if parents spent daily time in the Word. And yes, as you said we need more fathers to step up to the role that the Lord has given them.
I believe that many youth ministers would applaud what you said, rather than feel criticized. Youth ministers I know say their biggest desire if for more parental involvement instead of having kids “handed off” to them.
I really appreciate this article.